Just returned home from Boort Coffee Shop. Feeling sad and unsure. Really loved the team this year, more and more every day that we were together. Began to sense real love and deep encouragement from them (some of which was really needed, and used by God).
Got home, and within minutes of opening the door, mum and dad began arguing about something – probably something that is so trivial and not worth arguing about (as usual). I never really understand that. But I should come to expect it. Every time God is doing something great, and I begin to see breakthrough, my family will be one of the tools of the enemy to drag me back down again. He desperately wants to thwart any of God’s good work and make me forget it or trust it less; bring discouragement and hopelessness: ‘nothing will ever change’. But by God’s power, things can change! Oh God, would you bring breakthrough, healing, and restoration to my family. We need you so much!
Anyway, just to reflect on some of the time in Boort…
God did a lot of really cool stuff. Not the visible, supernatural, powerful things I usually pray for and believe can happen. But the more behind-the-scenes, internal, quiet communication stuff that you need to be listening carefully for so that you don’t miss. Some of it was really needed and valuable.
What I learnt…
- About God
- He is faithful, and continues to work even when I feel completely disconnected, dry, and lost. He is never gone forever, even if I go on vacation from him
- About Myself
- I need to stay plugged into him, the power source of everything I do
- Listening to God is so unbelievably important. I CANNOT neglect listening, or switch off for a while because I don’t want to hear the tough words from God. That will be Satan’s tactic. God’s words are always timely and appropriate, never crushing or discouraging, but uplifting and encouraging, challenging and possible
- Leading when feeling disconnected and insecure, still pushing through to lead the team onwards and not spreading discouragement (really not sure of many answers to this, but know it’s something I need to explore).
- About Others
- I REALLY need other people, and many of them need me. We are interconnected, and each take a part in the body, part of the team
- (Perhaps leaders/pastors could work better using the mentality of a sports coach. Hmmm…)
Work begins again tomorrow, and I’m already beginning to dread it. Urrgghhh…. I really don’t want to be going. I’m fearful that the work that God has begun in me over the last 2 weeks will be lost and I’ll get back to what I was like before!
GOD I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, BUT I NEED MASSIVE BREAKTHROUGH IN THIS AREA. PLEASE HELP ME… I’M DESPERATE. SO AFRAID THAT I WILL LOSE TOUCH WITH YOU AGAIN, AND FALL BACK TO BEING EMPTY, LOST AND DEPRESSED. By your mighty power and word, please command a change in the spiritual realms so that my work is broken up (not full time?) or that I otherwise find ways to cope and stay much better connected to you. Only you can find a way God. PLEASE HELP! In the wonderful, matchless name of Jesus I pray.
1 comment:
It was awesome have you on team or more being on your team. Thanks heaps for your prayer and encouragment! Oh and hey I don't think you're the only one who gets home and then family doesnt stupid things. I'd have to say I've had to learn to tune out my families craziness.I just can't let my family be used like that otherwise I'd be stuffed, Because my family is the only place that if i died i cant be replaced. My youth group could find someone else to be band organisor and YESS co-ordinator -yes, my friends would miss me- but family could never have another Abigail. I do agree though that it feels like something will never change.
Oh and yes we did need you.
Did you find a way to cope with work? When do you finish?
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